Guidance from the Start

I was somehow afraid and worried about ’something’. But God told me, “Annice, you asked My guidance before. Trust Me, I’ve been guiding you until this moment.”

That answer eases my heart. I remember I asked God to guide every step I took in this matter. I should have seen it! He heard my prayers. He has been guiding me because I asked Him to. And He wouldn’t stop to guide me because He just loves me so much!!

Why couldn’t I see it? I guess… instead of looking at His promises, I had been looking at the situation that didn’t support me.

My Granted Wish

Yay! Some of you may have known it already, yet I still feel like posting it on my blog.

Mmm.. First of all, I want to say thank you to my Big Daddy up there. He’s always been super great to me. Oops, it sounds like I was on the stage receiving an award. But it’s true, I feel that I have received a big parcel from Him. He’s granted my wish… specifically.

“Lord, I really want to go to Japan one day.” - granted!
“But at least on scholarship, Lord. I’m broke. Limited resources here. Well, unless you drop some money from above. My arms always wide open.” - got it!
“Oh yah, I don’t wanna go to the *ulu part of Japan. A bit scary if it’s too quiet.” - granted, I’m going to Kobe.
“I feel like shopping, Lord. I can’t do so much shopping here Well, Singapore will do, but I miss the cheap shopping in Hong Kong” - yuhuuu, granted!

Yes! I am going to Japan and Hong Kong this coming holiday. I will be studying Japanese in Kobe, traveling around and going sightseeing there. Wow, I’m really looking forward to this year winter holiday.

Above all, God knows what we want specifically guys. Is that good for me, Lord? Is that what You want for me, Lord? If you find the answer ‘yes’, but you still haven’t received anything yet. Don’t be discouraged! You know it… God knows it, God cares about it and God is working on it. So, never stop believing!

*ulu = inaka, xiangxia, kampoeng, countryside

What is your personality based on?

I am in the middle of doing my Japanese essay on my view about personality traits based on Chinese astrology. Oh well, I had to choose one of the three topics available. While they are all pretty much the same, the difference is just what it is based on. Blood type? Western zodiac? Or Chinese astrology?

Personality based on blood type amazes me with all the scientific research. Western astrology.. I used to check that cute sheep of mine on the magazine. And Chinese animal signs… ahh, how could all the people who were born in the same year have the same personality?

Huh? Why can’t I choose my own topic? My personality based on the bible or what God says. Surely, readers will be incredibly amazed how God knows His creatures very well as a precious individual. Mmm… I am making a good point =D

聖書と性格に対する私の意見、おもしろいでしょう。

Did you choose to spend time with Him?

One more day passed, day turned into night. During this time at night when all my busy activities are over, I am thinking how relaxed I was on supposedly my busy day. I finish my class early on Tuesday, and honestly that puts me at ease. I tend to do what I feel like doing, and sometimes I have to rush to do must-do things when the day is about to end.

Taking a few minutes to ponder my day, I realised that it’s actually a matter of choice what I will do in the next 5 minutes, in the next one hour, in every single minute. It simply makes me think of our own choice to spend time with God. I wonder if we ever say that we don’t have time to read our bible or even to pray. You know, one simple way to listen to God and to know Him better. Sorry, I must rephrase it that we obviously choose not to spend time with Him. Because if it’s the case, let’s make it simple by making time for Him.

Again, it’s a matter of choice what you want to do in the next minute.

Pusing!

Pusing!
Inilah hidup merantau di negri asing
Yang mesti dikerjain kok buanyak?

Mesti cari rumah baru,
Mesti nyetir, ngurusin SIM,
Ngurusin visa…
Eh, eh, ini esei ama temen-temennya
Kok belon dikerjain ya??
Pusing deh

Ah, ah, ah…
Lebih pusing lagi jadi Tuhannya Annice
Tiap hari denger keluhan yang sama

This Time Before Graduating

1st year PR: Ok, PR seems hard. People there definitely have excellent communication skill, bubbly personality, and stuff. Suit me? Well, not gonna give up even though it’s hard!

2nd year PR: I love writing. I was even thinking of working in a woman/travel magazine. And second year PR units are pretty much about writing and media. Love it… but good writing doesn’t come easy!

3rd year PR: Just pass? Not distinction? Am I lowering my standard? I don’t want to. But the tutor only gave 2/5 to most groups pitching today!! And I was thinking they were quiet good. Am I not critical enough to spot the weaknesses?

I’ve just recalled how I had fared in Public Relations unit. Now I’m doing 3rd year PR unit, yet it’s still not my last year ‘cos I got 4 years study. Thanks to the double degree I had been wanting to do.

I’m trying not to complain today even though I know, deep inside my heart, many questions are just wandering around. One of the questions that has been bugging me is… what am I focusing on? Honestly I don’t know what the future holds for me, in terms of a job I’ll be getting. Am I gonna be a PR person? Or am I gonna be just an event co-ordinator? Or perhaps a translator? Then where will I settle in?

Such a dilemma for most about-to-graduate students!

I am kinda confused with what I am enjoying the most. Having Ko Anta’s sermon in my mind last Saturday, the question raised is… am I content with what I have been studying for the past two years? And the honest answer would be… I do not know.

Yes, I chose my own course, researched what Public Relations was about when I was back in Indonesia and even chose Curtin University although it’s in Perth (I like Melbourne better)! But there are too many times that I feel like giving up my course. The effort I put into my study is just not comparable to the result I get. Hate it!

Ah Lord, guide me step by step. I’m too confused! I don’t wanna have any choices, please choose one for me..

I See That View, Lord

Wow! I can’t believe I haven’t updated my blog for more than a month.

Emm… what’s news then?

Congratulate me! I have been learning and re-learning to live life. Some unexpected things happened but they did exist to develop my character.

Anyway, let’s not talk about it too much. It will be a long boring goodnight story. I just wanna share a bit of heart-to-heart story.

Oohh….

I’ve been thinking of my younger brother these past few days. For those who do not know what my brother is like. He is cute (like me =D). Tall and skinny. Some people thought he was my boyfriend even though we look alike. *rolling eyes* Every time people think we were couple, I am like… huh, aren’t we supposed to be assumed as ‘brother and sister’ since we look alike? Anyway, he suffers from autism which, sadly, disable him to interact with others.

Here is the part whereby my heart to heart story begins. ahh… I am just thinking that, honestly, there is no way my family can be proud of him. You know, saying in front of your friends and community, “Oh, my son did it!” or “That was my son!” or perhaps “He is my hope in the future.”… human pride has been removed in this case.

The words I am using are perhaps a bit harsh, but I just offer the worldly perspective here. I guess most people would agree with me.

As I tried to comprehend the past, it has led me to a conclusion that there were things that my brother should have gotten but he didn’t. And still there is another small chance to improve his conditions. But unfortunately he is not getting anything either. To a certain degree, I could even think that I help him walk away from the chance. The time spent here, I could spend it with him. The money I spent here is more than enough to pay the so-called best therapy he could get in my hometown. To wrap it up, he is not getting what he is supposed to get.

Don’t wanna make it sound I was that desperate. Like the sermon I listened to last Sunday, we got to keep our eyes focused on Jesus. But frankly, as humans there is a point of time that you’re getting sick of seeing things unchanged while you are desperately longing for changes. And I felt it was just not fair for him.

As I bring this matter to my prayers, I am made understand the situation. It’s much clearer to me that my God completely knows… how much I am willing my brother to be able to hold a conversation with me, how much I am willing my brother to know Jesus and how much I am willing him to be used for His glory…

only 2 words to describe, Jesus understands.

Don’t you understand, Annice, that I desire what you long for much more than you do? Don’t you also know that I love the one you love much more than you do?

That answer just made me drop my tears. It was indescribable the joy in my heart when He found that insecurity of mine. It was awesome when He told me things that comforted my heart.

Here I am learning to see a view from above which is what God sees not what I see. My God’s perspective on my brother’s life. Coming to Him in a prayer, I don’t desperately ask anymore, “Lord please heal my brother.” Instead, I ask Him to show me how He feels for my brother.

Knowing how Jesus feels, understanding the depth of His mercy, and learning the miraculous things Jesus has done (and is doing), it’s too obvious that one day my brother is healed, and that one day he will be used for glorifying His name.

Amen.

Daddy, We Pair Up!

A little girl asked her Daddy to move her wooden table from one side of the room to the other side. The table is too heavy so she couldn’t push it by herself. But as soon as Daddy begins to push the table, the girl simply put her small hands beside his.

Daddy knows his little girl wants to help. And he let her do so. When the girl put his hands on the side of the table, he slowly push the table a little bit, and a little bit more…

He knows that if he puts all his strength, the table may have been moved much faster. But this would surprise the girl or even make her fall down.

Once the table have been moved to the wanted spot, the little girl is satisfied with the task she has just completed. She proudly says to everyone who is coming inside the room, “Daddy and I moved the table.”

As Daddy smiles when he hears his daughter saying it, he actually agrees with her.

Too often that we ask God to push our table. Too often that we ask God to do something for us. To remove our financial hardship, to change our bad situation, or to see a spiritual revival? For him, it would be too easy to do so. But that’s not what God wants. He actually loves to do the task together with us. Even though it takes longer time to get it done, He prefers us to be His partner, to trust Him wholeheartedly and to work side by side on His plan.

Amen.

*inspired by a story from Prayers by Philip Yancey

He Asks a Courage to Ask and 100% of Hope

There is this temporary belief that I need to challenge, or even to let go. Why did I say ‘temporary’? Cos the current situation I am in makes me believe such ideas exist.

I somehow have this tricky thought in mind like it seems that God makes it difficult to give what I have asked for. Emm… let me put in a nicer way, what I want is not what God wants, right? And God will give what I needs, but not what I want. Cos He definitely knows what I need in the present time. Yeap, then I came to the conclusion above.

I have been praying for certain things that I have been wanting badly. I want to get student exchange to Japan. I wanted to quit my part-time job once I came back to Perth. I want to buy a car and get the driver’s license.

But it seems that my every wanted list is straying away from me. Not being pessimistic, I was offered a place in my first choice university. I was very happy until I realised that I couldn’t get any scholarship from the university nor Curtin. Eventually I had to let go the offer.

And about quiting my part-time job, I have every good reason to quit. My third year must be the year of study. Focusing myself on study and a career that I long for, I need to invest time wisely in what I am doing at the moment. When I am a student, I will be a very good student. The time when I graduate, that’s the time I will go for a proper job. So I prayed and begged. But unfortunately the situation didn’t allow me to quit, I still have to keep part-time job in my timetable.

It’s kinda weird. As I believe what I say, I encourage friends with some favourite lines of mine, God will give you the best, or He has planned the best for you.

But don’t you see the problem in me? I am hiding behind those lines. God will give me the best! I actually didn’t put a purely 100% hope in God. Why can’t I say I will get the student exchange, I will drive and I will spend time wisely? When I said my favourite lines, I actually have doubts that God gives what I long for. Without realising that I am protecting myself so I won’t get hurt nor disappointed with the outcome, I actually don’t trust God’s goodness overflowing every time. As a result I saw that what God has in store is different from my wish list.

I am learning here. I am praying that God change my narrow ingrained belief. As I am learning to put 100% hope in Him, I should have no doubt that He will fail me. I should have realised that God knows how much I long for those things.

So much, You understand me even before You formed me in the womb.

A Post about This Blog

Yeap, I have been less productive during my two-month holiday. I haven’t updated my blog for almost one month! Long time no blog, I need to get my writing habit back.

I do have stories to share and some experiences that I need your suggestions on. But I guess I didn’t really have a good time spent on sitting in front of my laptop, thinking how to write and post it. And the other reason might be that some of the stories are considered as being not well consumed enough for readers

A friend of mine told me that she has enjoyed reading my blog. Wow! Thanks so much to you-know-who-you-are. It encourages me to write with… ehh… more passion? Feel free to leave a comment, you will find the word ‘comment’ on the right side of each posting, click it, and you’ ll find your way there

Also, I have been trying to categorise my postings. I find my blog messy with no clearly identified categories in it. Some of the postings were even put in the wrong categories. Since I have said in about me page that this blog incidentally has become a Christian blog, I am trying to reinforce the idea from the way I categorise my postings.

Anyway, don’t wanna worry about it.  Enjoy reading my blog, and… let it be what it’ll be.