I See That View, Lord

Wow! I can’t believe I haven’t updated my blog for more than a month.

Emm… what’s news then?

Congratulate me! I have been learning and re-learning to live life. Some unexpected things happened but they did exist to develop my character.

Anyway, let’s not talk about it too much. It will be a long boring goodnight story. I just wanna share a bit of heart-to-heart story.

Oohh….

I’ve been thinking of my younger brother these past few days. For those who do not know what my brother is like. He is cute (like me =D). Tall and skinny. Some people thought he was my boyfriend even though we look alike. *rolling eyes* Every time people think we were couple, I am like… huh, aren’t we supposed to be assumed as ‘brother and sister’ since we look alike? Anyway, he suffers from autism which, sadly, disable him to interact with others.

Here is the part whereby my heart to heart story begins. ahh… I am just thinking that, honestly, there is no way my family can be proud of him. You know, saying in front of your friends and community, “Oh, my son did it!” or “That was my son!” or perhaps “He is my hope in the future.”… human pride has been removed in this case.

The words I am using are perhaps a bit harsh, but I just offer the worldly perspective here. I guess most people would agree with me.

As I tried to comprehend the past, it has led me to a conclusion that there were things that my brother should have gotten but he didn’t. And still there is another small chance to improve his conditions. But unfortunately he is not getting anything either. To a certain degree, I could even think that I help him walk away from the chance. The time spent here, I could spend it with him. The money I spent here is more than enough to pay the so-called best therapy he could get in my hometown. To wrap it up, he is not getting what he is supposed to get.

Don’t wanna make it sound I was that desperate. Like the sermon I listened to last Sunday, we got to keep our eyes focused on Jesus. But frankly, as humans there is a point of time that you’re getting sick of seeing things unchanged while you are desperately longing for changes. And I felt it was just not fair for him.

As I bring this matter to my prayers, I am made understand the situation. It’s much clearer to me that my God completely knows… how much I am willing my brother to be able to hold a conversation with me, how much I am willing my brother to know Jesus and how much I am willing him to be used for His glory…

only 2 words to describe, Jesus understands.

Don’t you understand, Annice, that I desire what you long for much more than you do? Don’t you also know that I love the one you love much more than you do?

That answer just made me drop my tears. It was indescribable the joy in my heart when He found that insecurity of mine. It was awesome when He told me things that comforted my heart.

Here I am learning to see a view from above which is what God sees not what I see. My God’s perspective on my brother’s life. Coming to Him in a prayer, I don’t desperately ask anymore, “Lord please heal my brother.” Instead, I ask Him to show me how He feels for my brother.

Knowing how Jesus feels, understanding the depth of His mercy, and learning the miraculous things Jesus has done (and is doing), it’s too obvious that one day my brother is healed, and that one day he will be used for glorifying His name.

Amen.

~ by annice on April 5, 2008.